"You can tell me" to "You're a piece of me"

Written July 30, 2008.

Some more things I just need to get OUT of my head.

People always say you can tell them everything.
Friends do.
"You can tell me anything! If it's bothering you, you can tell me!"

But there are really some things that won't interest them and you can tell. If something's bothering you and you bring it up in conversation, they'll change the subject. You feel like you talk about it too much, but it's only because it bothers you. But they act bored and talk in a monotoned, uncaring voice.

Then why lie? Why lie and say you care? These are uninteresting things. Things you don't want - or need - to know. Why try to squeeze it out if you don't want to hear it?

"I want to know what's wrong, I want you to feel better"

It only makes me feel better to talk about something when someone is really genuinely listening. When they really want to hear it. If they don't, I don't want to talk about it. Simple as that.

I feel like I have more to say on that subject, but I can't find a way to type it out. Maybe some other time.

So onto my next subject. :]

---

Everyone I meet changes me.
Even if only a little, they really do.
Every one of my friends is a piece of me.
Every s i n g l e one.

But think. If you meet someone on the street, just the look they give you can affect you. Affect the way you feel, what you think.

Seriously.

It can make you remember an old friend and get back in contact with them.
Maybe the shirt they're wearing makes you discover a new band.
Or movie.
Maybe they say something to someone - even to you - that changes your opinion.
Maybe you discover a new style you want.
Or don't want.

Everyone affects you in some way. Even strangers on the street.
So your friends - the people you're around all the time - must affect you the greatest.
I know my style of clothes, way of speaking, and knowledge has morphed from the people I've grown to love.
A lot.
Sometimes I feel bad - like I'm trying to make myself into a carbon copy of someone else - but then I realize I'm taking pieces of different puzzles to make my own.

I'm discovering who I really feel like inside.

I realize that when I moved, I uprooted myself from the lifestyle I had been forming - which actually turned out to be a good thing.
I went from extremely introverted to fairly extroverted.
If you saw the change, you know what I'm talking about.
When I began making new friends, I realized how much I loved making new friends.
How could I make more if I was introverted?

By changing my way of socializing - not my personality, mind you, I'm still the same Sarah - I met some of the most amazing people I could ever imagine meeting.

But let's get back to the main focus of this spiel.
When I uprooted, I left all my friends.
Meaning I left my entire puzzle behind, or so it felt like.
I was bare and exposed, nobody to hide behind.
So I did the opposite of what I should have - I became even more introverted.

Sure, I made a few good friends, but once I had people to hide behind, I was done with that.But I started making more friends, somehow. And found more pieces to add to the puzzle that is me. Because, as I said before, all my friends are a piece of me.

But one piece left. That piece wasn't major, but it was still strange to find it missing. I can still feel it missing sometimes.

(Bear with the puzzle metaphor, it was all I could think of -____-; )

Well, now another piece will soon be gone. A larger one.
I wonder how it will feel.
Will things go back to how they used to be?
Will I forget about them?
How could I?
See, that's what I'm afraid of.
What if I forget? What if they forget?
What if we forget about each other?

Life will go on, that's what.
But will I still feel that piece missing?