You are the porch light to my moth-like senses.
So tempting.
Yet so dangerous.
Friday, August 1, 2008
"You can tell me" to "You're a piece of me"
Written July 30, 2008.
Some more things I just need to get OUT of my head.
People always say you can tell them everything.
Friends do.
"You can tell me anything! If it's bothering you, you can tell me!"
But there are really some things that won't interest them and you can tell. If something's bothering you and you bring it up in conversation, they'll change the subject. You feel like you talk about it too much, but it's only because it bothers you. But they act bored and talk in a monotoned, uncaring voice.
Then why lie? Why lie and say you care? These are uninteresting things. Things you don't want - or need - to know. Why try to squeeze it out if you don't want to hear it?
"I want to know what's wrong, I want you to feel better"
It only makes me feel better to talk about something when someone is really genuinely listening. When they really want to hear it. If they don't, I don't want to talk about it. Simple as that.
I feel like I have more to say on that subject, but I can't find a way to type it out. Maybe some other time.
So onto my next subject. :]
---
Everyone I meet changes me.
Even if only a little, they really do.
Every one of my friends is a piece of me.
Every s i n g l e one.
But think. If you meet someone on the street, just the look they give you can affect you. Affect the way you feel, what you think.
Seriously.
It can make you remember an old friend and get back in contact with them.
Maybe the shirt they're wearing makes you discover a new band.
Or movie.
Maybe they say something to someone - even to you - that changes your opinion.
Maybe you discover a new style you want.
Or don't want.
Everyone affects you in some way. Even strangers on the street.
So your friends - the people you're around all the time - must affect you the greatest.
I know my style of clothes, way of speaking, and knowledge has morphed from the people I've grown to love.
A lot.
Sometimes I feel bad - like I'm trying to make myself into a carbon copy of someone else - but then I realize I'm taking pieces of different puzzles to make my own.
I'm discovering who I really feel like inside.
I realize that when I moved, I uprooted myself from the lifestyle I had been forming - which actually turned out to be a good thing.
I went from extremely introverted to fairly extroverted.
If you saw the change, you know what I'm talking about.
When I began making new friends, I realized how much I loved making new friends.
How could I make more if I was introverted?
By changing my way of socializing - not my personality, mind you, I'm still the same Sarah - I met some of the most amazing people I could ever imagine meeting.
But let's get back to the main focus of this spiel.
When I uprooted, I left all my friends.
Meaning I left my entire puzzle behind, or so it felt like.
I was bare and exposed, nobody to hide behind.
So I did the opposite of what I should have - I became even more introverted.
Sure, I made a few good friends, but once I had people to hide behind, I was done with that.But I started making more friends, somehow. And found more pieces to add to the puzzle that is me. Because, as I said before, all my friends are a piece of me.
But one piece left. That piece wasn't major, but it was still strange to find it missing. I can still feel it missing sometimes.
(Bear with the puzzle metaphor, it was all I could think of -____-; )
Well, now another piece will soon be gone. A larger one.
I wonder how it will feel.
Will things go back to how they used to be?
Will I forget about them?
How could I?
See, that's what I'm afraid of.
What if I forget? What if they forget?
What if we forget about each other?
Life will go on, that's what.
But will I still feel that piece missing?
Some more things I just need to get OUT of my head.
People always say you can tell them everything.
Friends do.
"You can tell me anything! If it's bothering you, you can tell me!"
But there are really some things that won't interest them and you can tell. If something's bothering you and you bring it up in conversation, they'll change the subject. You feel like you talk about it too much, but it's only because it bothers you. But they act bored and talk in a monotoned, uncaring voice.
Then why lie? Why lie and say you care? These are uninteresting things. Things you don't want - or need - to know. Why try to squeeze it out if you don't want to hear it?
"I want to know what's wrong, I want you to feel better"
It only makes me feel better to talk about something when someone is really genuinely listening. When they really want to hear it. If they don't, I don't want to talk about it. Simple as that.
I feel like I have more to say on that subject, but I can't find a way to type it out. Maybe some other time.
So onto my next subject. :]
---
Everyone I meet changes me.
Even if only a little, they really do.
Every one of my friends is a piece of me.
Every s i n g l e one.
But think. If you meet someone on the street, just the look they give you can affect you. Affect the way you feel, what you think.
Seriously.
It can make you remember an old friend and get back in contact with them.
Maybe the shirt they're wearing makes you discover a new band.
Or movie.
Maybe they say something to someone - even to you - that changes your opinion.
Maybe you discover a new style you want.
Or don't want.
Everyone affects you in some way. Even strangers on the street.
So your friends - the people you're around all the time - must affect you the greatest.
I know my style of clothes, way of speaking, and knowledge has morphed from the people I've grown to love.
A lot.
Sometimes I feel bad - like I'm trying to make myself into a carbon copy of someone else - but then I realize I'm taking pieces of different puzzles to make my own.
I'm discovering who I really feel like inside.
I realize that when I moved, I uprooted myself from the lifestyle I had been forming - which actually turned out to be a good thing.
I went from extremely introverted to fairly extroverted.
If you saw the change, you know what I'm talking about.
When I began making new friends, I realized how much I loved making new friends.
How could I make more if I was introverted?
By changing my way of socializing - not my personality, mind you, I'm still the same Sarah - I met some of the most amazing people I could ever imagine meeting.
But let's get back to the main focus of this spiel.
When I uprooted, I left all my friends.
Meaning I left my entire puzzle behind, or so it felt like.
I was bare and exposed, nobody to hide behind.
So I did the opposite of what I should have - I became even more introverted.
Sure, I made a few good friends, but once I had people to hide behind, I was done with that.But I started making more friends, somehow. And found more pieces to add to the puzzle that is me. Because, as I said before, all my friends are a piece of me.
But one piece left. That piece wasn't major, but it was still strange to find it missing. I can still feel it missing sometimes.
(Bear with the puzzle metaphor, it was all I could think of -____-; )
Well, now another piece will soon be gone. A larger one.
I wonder how it will feel.
Will things go back to how they used to be?
Will I forget about them?
How could I?
See, that's what I'm afraid of.
What if I forget? What if they forget?
What if we forget about each other?
Life will go on, that's what.
But will I still feel that piece missing?
Revelations
Written July 28, 2008.
So.
I feel like... I'm not opinionated enough.
Or maybe that's not the right way to see it.
I feel like.
For one, I care too much about what people think. Generally, it's only those who are important to me. But should I even let those I love define me? I should let ME define me.
You see, I met someone. And at first that's exactly how I described them - opinionated.
But that's not quite right. They're more... different.
They see things differently. Perceive them differently.
Whenever I think of something the least bit differently, I let the thought flutter away. Random phrases will pop into my head, but I just let them leave without a care.
I don't want that anymore. I want to remember what I think. I want to say what I think, even if it doesn't quite make sense to me. Because if I keep thinking and keep talking about it, it eventually works itself out. Or comes close to it.
I don't want to see things through the same tunnel vision as the rest of the world. I want my thoughts to interest me. They don't. I bore myself. Constantly.
I want to talk things out more, even if it's only in a blog or journal such as this. Whatever's running through my head... maybe I can make it interesting. Make it something I want to think about. Something other people want to hear about.
Does that make sense? Can I make it happen? I hope so.
So.
I feel like... I'm not opinionated enough.
Or maybe that's not the right way to see it.
I feel like.
For one, I care too much about what people think. Generally, it's only those who are important to me. But should I even let those I love define me? I should let ME define me.
You see, I met someone. And at first that's exactly how I described them - opinionated.
But that's not quite right. They're more... different.
They see things differently. Perceive them differently.
Whenever I think of something the least bit differently, I let the thought flutter away. Random phrases will pop into my head, but I just let them leave without a care.
I don't want that anymore. I want to remember what I think. I want to say what I think, even if it doesn't quite make sense to me. Because if I keep thinking and keep talking about it, it eventually works itself out. Or comes close to it.
I don't want to see things through the same tunnel vision as the rest of the world. I want my thoughts to interest me. They don't. I bore myself. Constantly.
I want to talk things out more, even if it's only in a blog or journal such as this. Whatever's running through my head... maybe I can make it interesting. Make it something I want to think about. Something other people want to hear about.
Does that make sense? Can I make it happen? I hope so.
True Love / Soul Mates
Written July 22, 2008.
Now, let's a take a look at the concept of true love and soul mates. Many people believe that there is one person out there for you. One person who you're meant to be with. Now, I used to believe this, but recently I've been thinking.
What if there's someone who you're deeply in love with, but they don't love you back? Then you're not meant to be. I mean, you don't have to give up on them right away. There's always a chance. But you shouldn't spend the rest of your life pining away for them.
You can find someone else. Someone who actually has feelings for you. And you could grow to love someone else. Or you could meet someone who you love more than the other person.
The thing is, what if you still love person A? The one who doesn't care for you. And then person B comes along and you decide you like them a lot. Is it wrong if you want to be with B because you can't be with A? And I don't mean being with them because they're there, but being with them because you DO care about them, even if you might love them less.
But if you DO decide to be with B, do you think by being with them, your love could grow and become even stronger of that of A? And will you still have feelings for A?
Anyways, onto the next subject.
Soul mates?
I used to believe soul mates could exist. One soul mate. But seriously. One person out of six billion?
Maybe there's more than one person out there. To even the odds, you know? Think how screwed you'd be if you found more than one. Could you? How many are there?
I keep going in circles in my head trying to figure it out. Trying to give love some logic. Yeah, right. Logic and love don't mix, apparently.
What about if something complicated is going on? If you're in a difficult situation, if it was difficult enough, it'd be hard to stick with someone, even if they were your soul mate. In a simple situation, you could be with someone you don't love a whole lot.
But if you had to deal with something, it would push the limits of your love and see if you were really meant to be.
Some couples are pushed too hard and never find out.
Some aren't pushed enough and find out too late.
It sucks to be in either of those positions.
I don't even know where I was going with this.
Just trying to get it out of my head. :]
If you read this, lemme know if it was fucked up or sounded at least a little right.
Now, let's a take a look at the concept of true love and soul mates. Many people believe that there is one person out there for you. One person who you're meant to be with. Now, I used to believe this, but recently I've been thinking.
What if there's someone who you're deeply in love with, but they don't love you back? Then you're not meant to be. I mean, you don't have to give up on them right away. There's always a chance. But you shouldn't spend the rest of your life pining away for them.
You can find someone else. Someone who actually has feelings for you. And you could grow to love someone else. Or you could meet someone who you love more than the other person.
The thing is, what if you still love person A? The one who doesn't care for you. And then person B comes along and you decide you like them a lot. Is it wrong if you want to be with B because you can't be with A? And I don't mean being with them because they're there, but being with them because you DO care about them, even if you might love them less.
But if you DO decide to be with B, do you think by being with them, your love could grow and become even stronger of that of A? And will you still have feelings for A?
Anyways, onto the next subject.
Soul mates?
I used to believe soul mates could exist. One soul mate. But seriously. One person out of six billion?
Maybe there's more than one person out there. To even the odds, you know? Think how screwed you'd be if you found more than one. Could you? How many are there?
I keep going in circles in my head trying to figure it out. Trying to give love some logic. Yeah, right. Logic and love don't mix, apparently.
What about if something complicated is going on? If you're in a difficult situation, if it was difficult enough, it'd be hard to stick with someone, even if they were your soul mate. In a simple situation, you could be with someone you don't love a whole lot.
But if you had to deal with something, it would push the limits of your love and see if you were really meant to be.
Some couples are pushed too hard and never find out.
Some aren't pushed enough and find out too late.
It sucks to be in either of those positions.
I don't even know where I was going with this.
Just trying to get it out of my head. :]
If you read this, lemme know if it was fucked up or sounded at least a little right.
I have realized that
You must get burned to eat delicious amazing pizza.
Every time I have had delicious amazing pizza, I have been burned.
When I eat delicious amazing pizza, I am happy.
So in a way.Getting burned makes me happy?
This reminds me of geometry and some sort of property.
If A=B
And B=C
Then A=CI
f you get burned when you eat delicious pizza
And eating delicious pizza makes you happy
Then getting burned makes you happy.
Interesting logic, amirite? :]
Every time I have had delicious amazing pizza, I have been burned.
When I eat delicious amazing pizza, I am happy.
So in a way.Getting burned makes me happy?
This reminds me of geometry and some sort of property.
If A=B
And B=C
Then A=CI
f you get burned when you eat delicious pizza
And eating delicious pizza makes you happy
Then getting burned makes you happy.
Interesting logic, amirite? :]
Creation.
I created this to post my random, often incoherent thoughts.
I've decided when something runs through my head, I want to type it out.
I've been posting my thoughts on facebook, myspace, and deviantart, but I also want a semi-organized blog where I can see them all at once. For reference?
When will I ever need these? I don't know. I suppose if someone wants to know my opinion on something I can point them to my blog instead of rewriting it all out.
I'll be posting up a few blurbs I've done recently just to start things off.
I've decided when something runs through my head, I want to type it out.
I've been posting my thoughts on facebook, myspace, and deviantart, but I also want a semi-organized blog where I can see them all at once. For reference?
When will I ever need these? I don't know. I suppose if someone wants to know my opinion on something I can point them to my blog instead of rewriting it all out.
I'll be posting up a few blurbs I've done recently just to start things off.
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